Baba --> ILY

 

  Hye guys.. Well, I believed all of you have seen the pix above these words so you may get the hint 'bout today's post.. Yes, I'm gonna write tits bits 'bout my father.. Well, it happen this morning where I realise he is the best n the coolest father I ever had.. I didn't entitle him as 'World Best Dad' because in the world, there are loads of Dads.. But I want to entitled him as a Best Dad I Ever Have.. And I don't want anyone to replace him.. Just this morning I realise a very valuable lesson, Dad never abandon us, never for a moment.. Even if there's distance between you, but he will thin 'bout you every second..  Okayy, sambung dengan cerita saya :)

Tadi pagi, saya masih tidur lhh knn, cm besa.. But my dad came to visit me at my room and sit right next to me.. He touches my hand and see a;; the brushes and scars that I made on my hand, when I cut myself last week.. He look it very carefully and touches every single scars on my left hand.. By that, I was awake but I hid my face so my dad won't saw me.. But I've failed and my dad kept asking me question.. "Why did you do this ?", "How and with what did you do this ?", "when does it happen?" and by the time.. I couldn't hold my tears.. One by one, they fall apart.. I just couldn't believe that my baba saw the misery and tense in me, in my eyes.. And not my mum that saw it.. I just can't hold it any longer.. My baba ask me softly, which makes me cries much more 

Baba : With what did you do this ?

Me : Pin

Baba : What pen ? And is there any ink left in your scars ?

My voice were soft so he couldn't hear clearly what I'd say..

Me : No.. Needle..

Baba : Where ?

Me : In this room..

Baba : Why ? are you angry ? Angry for the case **I don't want to talk 'bout the case, thanks :)**

I couldn't answer it, couldn't and don't want to.. Saya just menggeleng.. But my baba still asking me question..

Baba : Stress ? Ada masalah ?
N still, saya menggeleng.. Saya x maw kasih taw apa2 details yang terbuku dalam hati saya nye.. And at that tyme, baba nampak saya nangis..

Baba : Napa nangis nye ? Mesti ada masalah knn ? Share saja ? Kina taw ?

N saya, masih juga menggeleng. Kina is my sister.. N to be honest, although she is my sister, I didn't tell her a damn 'bout my problems.. People always wish to have a brother, sister and being a third child like me.. But to be honest, I rather be the only child in this family than having a brother n sister that don't give a damn care 'bout my emotional.. And being a third child is what they called blissful, cause they can have everything.. For me, it just like a childhood fantasy.. A fantasy that will never be a reality.. Okayy, sambung story..

Baba saya terus tanya saya dan terus minta saya share masalah saya tapii saya x mampu untuk share dan pada masa itu, saya dengar baba saya ttba selesma & sya tw, dya mw nangis sdh 2 & by that, I can't even look him in the face or in the eye.. Saya hanya ttup mata sya tyme dya tengok luka saya 2..Serius saya x sanggup tengok baba sya gitu.. Even sya x ckap apa2 pun, baba sya sudah cm mw nangis, apalg if sya sudah mula buka mulut.. Biar lhh sya tanggung nye masalah dlm hati saya, tnpa ada org taw.. Yang penting mereka semua bahagia w/o knowing it & I'll try to smile n be positive.. Sya sudah janji saya cousy saya c Boboy yg cared much 'bout me, yg sya akan kekal semangatt n stay strong.. N all these tyme, I'll say : "I'm fine" Saya x maw orang risau pasal saya, saya x maw orang sedih pasal saya.. Okayy ? N after that, baba saya balik kaykay n saya salam lhh dya.. Wajib k.. Dan sepanjang 2, saya memohon ampun pada Allah atas setiap dosa yang saya tlh lakukan krn tlh menyusahkn hati baba saya dan saya brdoa agar Allah S.W.T. selamatkan dia dari segala bala. Amin. Dan petang 2, sya masih terfikir2 akan ayat saya 2 n w/o pengetahuan baba, saya janji sama dya yang saya xkan buat begini lagii.. Yes baba.. I promise you, I will never do this stupid this ever again.. I will never hurt myself ever again.. Dan tyme 2 sya simpan lhh ubat d tangan saya dan ttiba mummy saya p marah2 n tuduh saya sembrgn "Napa ? Mw buatt tatu ?" Siap kena cakap ada masalahh entah pa 2.. A bit cam masalah otakk or mentall.. Okayy, tyme 2 membara sudah hati saya.. Sepa x panass kena cakap gtu tp saya keep on being calm.. Istidi kw shahr isstidi.. == Maka sya heran, kenapa baba sya yg nmpk my sadness instead of my mum ? Tapii pa2 pun, I'm proud to be my baba daughter :')

P/S : Cried when writing this post as dad's love are unmeasurable :')

End of story ~